After batting a few ideas back and forth with the Little Lass (aka Eless, Bunty and a few other names she doesn't like so I'm not using - Bane of Kneecaps hurts when you're 6'4" and have a long way to fall), I had an idea for a topic that I actually quite fancied having a bash at myself. So here we go.
What's your Crew of the Year? Not bothering with faction boundaries or the need to actually accomplish anything, what 50SS of models have you found yourself enjoying most over the last year? This was inspired by those vapid 'team of the week' articles that Garth Crooks vomits forth for the BBC (his continued employment amazes me - I hear more insightful things shouted over the fence by drunk people at 3 in the morning). What if people who can string a sentence together put a Malifaux spin on it?
So this is my Crew of the Year. A few bits of it might surprise you but this is one benefit of the 'what the Faux...?' approach I tend to take!
Master: Ulix, Gremlins
Cache: 4SS
Husbandry: 3SS
Dirty Cheater: 1SS
Here you go - shock number one. My favourite Master of the year is not only a Gremlin, but one universally derided as crap.
It'll come as no shock to learn I disagree with the Internet on this one. Not going to lie, Ulix has a number of shockingly awful matchups. The entire Neverborn faction for one. Marcus for another. Ressers spawning Belles for another, and in general anything that can abuse the ludicrously low Willpower score of his entire crew.
But... If you can drop him into a game, you won't be disappointed. His summoning engine is deceptively simple once you work it out. Got a big pig? Have a 9 handy, and you can put a piglet next to it. Need a big pig? Have 3 scheme markers handy plus a 12, and CALL FORTH THE PORK (yes, I did put on the voice and the stupid gestures when casting this). Plus, he can do an impressive version of Prompt or Machine Puppet that grants positive flips to the attack if you want something flattened.
Ultimately, I just found it so hard for me or my opponent to take the game too seriously when one side is spending the entire time generating bacon and then trying to flatten the other side with it. Ulix was sometimes brilliant, occasionally awful but always entertaining.
Totem: Malifaux Child, Outcasts
Cost: 2SS
OK, the Malifaux Child is here for 3 reasons.
First is the versatility. I take him with Colette for extra Prompting, Sonnia for Flame Walls, Kaeris for Flaming Halo, Wong for cheeky extra Lightning Jumps and lots more. There are always choices unless you're a complete muppet and lose your Master early.
Second is my model. I can't paint so I add little touches to make my models my own. The Child is a homage to reigning Master and my good friend Graham 'BluTack' Bursnell - it has a dolls house scale packet of BluTack on the base, Mr 53 on the back in tribute to his favourite crew size, and a phone featuring Rob Smith's angry face from when Graham left him at Leicester train station at 6am.
Final reason is courtesy of the Squigs resident lunatic Brooks Martin. Malifaux Child + Mei Feng = Karate Kid. Fun enough to warrant playing Mei Feng.
Henchman: Dr Grimwell, Guild
Cost: 9SS
Research Grant: 1SS
Disrupt Magic: 2SS
I love this guy. Not only do you get to live every mad doctor cliche going without sullying yourself by playing McMourning, you get to put down a 'starter' model that nobody knows.
The main thing I love about him is the (2) action Lobotomise. 4/6/10 damage at Ml7. Did I mention he's Nimble to make it easier to get in position for this? He's Nimble to make it easier to get in position for this.
The moment of pant-wetting terror on an opponent's face when they realise Grimwell does that much damage and is standing next to one of their key models is worth the Soulstone cost. Every now and then, when he hits that Severe or even a Red Joker and takes out a Peacekeeper in one shot (done it twice now - sorry Craig!), the stories just fuel the terror. Gaining a Soulstone back for every kill is just the icing on the cake.
To be honest though, the games he's really earned his points have been the ones where he's used his speed and power to chase down and eviscerate enemy scheme runners, or sat near a casting model putting them on negative flips thanks to Disrupt Magic and performed brain surgery on anything that's tried to dislodge him, or used his Doctor's Orders to push a model that the enemy thought was done.
He looks straightforward and he can be. But he's got hidden depths...
Henchman: Phiona Gage, Guild
Cost: 8SS
Wrath of the Guild: 1SS
Debt to the Guild: 1SS
There had to be some pickaxe love in here somewhere. And here it is.
Phiona and Nellie form, in my view, the strongest Master / Henchman combo in the game. They both make the other that much better. Phiona is here and Nellie isn't simply because a lot of what Phiona can offer translates well to other crews as well.
She makes a great bodyguard due to being able to place into melee, push her ward out of melee, and then thump something as well, all for 1AP. She can summon blocking terrain. She has a surprisingly long charge range and a long reach when she gets there. And she has a version of Smell Fear too.
Plus, I just love twatting things in the head with a pickaxe. I'm only human.
Phiona is also here so I can wax lyrical about Debt to the Guild. At long last, after 3 waves of dross, in wave 4 the Guild got a generic upgrade that's worth taking. It's our Oathkeeper and Imbued Energies. It's not if you take it, it's where you put the 3 copies you're allowed. Draw a card and do more damage for a turn, and the upgrade stays in place for Show of Force purposes. It also pays for itself if the model dies, giving you back the Soulstone you paid.
Thank you, Wyrd.
Enforcer: Angelica, Arcanists
Cost: 6SS
Practised Production: 1SS
The primary reason I started using Angelica was as a caddy for Practised Production. That upgrade is pure unadulterated filth. Place a scheme marker near one of your models, and ignore every single rule about placing markers whilst you do it. You can drop a marker off a Malifaux Raptor that's in some obscure, unreachable corner of the board and score your schemes with a big, stupid grin and absolutely zero skill.
I use Angelica over the much more popular Cassandra because a) I can't get Cassie to turn in 8SS of value yet, and b) Angelica feeds the all out aggression I so love by pushing models around, and letting me give a Sabretooth Cerberus or two a head start is going to make somebody's day that bit more difficult.
Minion: Ice Dancer, Arcanists
Cost: 6SS
These girls crack me up every time I use them. They're so damn good at what they do it's unreal.
Walk 12", push another 4", then drop a Scheme Marker. That's Malifaux Raptor speed with a marker at the end of it.
Or they can barrel up on the charge, hit with a 2/3/6 damage track, and then skip away afterwards and potentially still drop that marker. That was one of my biggest grins all year - an Ice Dancer kills a healthy Vik of Blood, then pushes away and drops the last Convict Labour marker for points.
I've not even started experimenting with the ice markers they can drop yet but the Ice Dancers are already amongst my favourites.
Minion: Field Reporter, Guild
Cost: 4SS
Yep, it's another wave 4 Guild pick! What can I say, we got new toys and they're brilliant.
These can do different roles depending on what you need. They can scheme run themselves, they can mess with enemy scheme runners, or they can play a denial and control game. And they're 4SS! I don't know any models for similar cost that can make the opponent bite through their fate deck in frustration with such regularity. Being able to flip their Scheme Markers into mine for a 9 is an amazing (1) action.
Minion: Bayou Gremlin, Gremlins
Cost: 3SS
Getting 2, potentially 3, full fat AP for 3SS is an absolute bargain. I lost count of the amount of Gremlin games won by having one or two of these little buggers in the right place at the right time.
You don't need to invest anything else in them to buff them, or even use cards from your hand to cheat for them as you can just Bayou 2-Card instead.
Occasionally they even kill something, and then you really get to wind your opponent up.
Total: 48SS
Cache: 6SS
So that's my favourite models for 2016 shoehorned into a crew. What are yours?
If you want to have a go at this I'm happy to post up some crews, and other bloggers please feel free to do your own!
